A New Beginning

Posted by on December 27, 2011 No comments

My friends I come to you today a changed man. When I made my last blog entry here I was feeling so much relief for regaining my sanity that I was thrilled… but my hellish ride was not over yet. I did not truly kick MDPV until mid July 2011. Whenever I went into the headshop and was told “you can’t buy that now it’s illegal”. Thank god.

Not that I believe in god, but wtf… I believe drugs should be legal. I believe people should be free to make their own painful mistakes, but I have the banning of MDPV by the US government to thank for my recovery.

I have a lot to say, but so much is already said… just not here.

DrugsForum.com – Unsure How to Stop This

Click that link. Read the whole thread. Remember that if I can make it, ANYONE can make it.

peace

-brooks

I’m an addict

Posted by on April 19, 2011 3 comments

Not that this is news to anyone (including me), but a fitting title for a sad/strange story.

The first few months of this year turned into the worst of my life very very quickly. I started the year in the best place I’d been in years. Sedative use started the spiral — legal speed kicked my ass.

To end 2010 I was making more money working than ever before. I was crushing low stakes hu NL and PLO on stars, and I seemingly had my drug use into a responsible pattern (rare, never when working, never when driving). By the time of my preceeding blog post that had changed.

Klonopin kicks my ass. Every time. I don’t know why it’s a lesson can’t seem to internalize, but it’s one I’ve learned at least 4 times now. What starts as a fun experiment with sedatives ends up as weeks+ of amnesiac haze filled with random memories of doing extremely irresponsible and dangerous things. After blowing through my $3k bankroll in a matter of days in late January I finally kicked the Klonopin habit…. and replaced it with MDPV, methylone, and mephadrone. Klonopin cost me my bankroll, MDPV cost me my sanity.

MDPV is a “legal” (for now) stimulant with psychoactive properties very similar to methylphenadate (ritalin) or cocaine, but with a higher affinity for norepinepherine than dopamine. Your basic monoamine reuptake inhibitor of the stimulant variety. Molecularly it’s closely related to MDMA.

As I spun out of control on the klonopin I ended up ordering a FUCKLOAD of MDPV. In all I ended up with at least 20 grams — of a substance active at ~2mg. This would’ve lasted me a year+.

Within days of starting my use of MDPV I began having paranoid delusions. I thought my computers were out to get me. I quit using the internet, stopped playing poker, and isolated myself as I spent every moment trying to figure out just exactly who/what was “stalking” me. It seemed real — it was not.

Two months of this insanity made me crack. I could not sleep. I missed my life. I missed poker. I missed my friends. I could hardly even drive because I was so tense. I was SURE that somebody had hacked my iphone and was listening to my every word through the phone. Everything was threatening and scary. I was SURE that the police/fbi/dea were going to haul me off to jail at any moment. Eventually I even started having phantom pain which got me convinced my floors were electrified. I ripped up a bunch of clothes to remove imaginary spy devices, grabbed my drugs, and sped off to my dad’s place.

He saved me. He threw my drugs in their fireplace (not everything I had, but the vast majority). He got my mom/stepdad/sister to come out the next day. They convinced me that what I was experiencing was not real. I finally was able to relax.

The last couple weeks I’ve felt more and more normal. This was the most bizarre experience of my life, and I’ve had some pretty fucking crazy shit happen to me. I was literally insane for two whole months thanks to using huge amounts of speed every single day. I hated every second of it. MDPV isn’t even really an enjoyable drug for me. I only kept using it because I was constantly exhausted due to not being able to sleep (which was because I was using so much speed, but I obviously ignored that little detail). I had to work 5 days a week, and this stuff definitely kept me alert — like way the fuck too alert.

I can not express adequately how relieved I am to finally be myself again. By the end of the speed binge I was starting to suspect that I had devoloped schizophrenia. That was terrifying. Thankfully all the delusional insanity went away as soon as I quit using the MDPV.

I have never been more happy to be alive. I’m crushing at poker again. I honestly believe this experience will make me stronger, and it has motivated me to start moving my life in a more positive direction.

peace

Weeee

Posted by on January 18, 2011 No comments

So I got a couple shipments of benzos, barbs, and stims… the last two days I’ve been degening it up like crazy. INSANE swings playing PLO (up to 1/2 mb 2/4), and LHE up to 3/6…. I lost about $2k on stars… won it back and more… then lost back $1k. So then I deposit $100 on UB, and run it up to $1k…. (all HU btw)

That’s all I got time for, but it was a fuckin blast. Lots of flips, and just ridic bad play on my part in general.

Maybe I’ll post hands tmorrwo or smthng, but I doubt I’ll rmemeber. Obvsiouly this is something I CAN AFFORD, and if you can’t DON’T DO SHIT LIKE THIS.

That’s all… have fun guys!

lol

Posted by on January 12, 2011 2 comments

I have two recreational hobbies that consume most of my free time….

1. Poker

2. Drugs

I see nothing wrong with that.

PLO for now…

Posted by on November 28, 2010 No comments

So I’m back on the PLO train again after getting bored with holdem (see: ran kinda bad at holdem so played some omaha for fun and ran really good). I’ve been playing only on Stars the last couple months since that’s where I have the most money. I really wish I could just move the small amounts I have on Cake/FTP to Stars, but since it’s a huge pain in the ass to move money between sites I just leave it… such is life. The game lately has been plo10 deep tables and it’s been fun. I’m still very unsure whether I’m even a long term winning plo player, but my winrate is pretty obscene in those games right now over a very small sample (55BB/100 over 3k — that’s 33 “buy-ins”).

I try to read PLO strat on 2p2, but I find the small stakes section pretty overwhelmed by fairly trivial decisions. Sorry but “25pl – OESD+NFD+TPTK v flop 3b OMGHEGOTSETWTFBBQSHOULDIDO?” does not exactly sound like it’s going to lead to any real improvement in my omaha game. The best I can manage is watching stuff like Magic Ninja and Lime AidPLO on DC… so hopefully some of what they’ve said has rubbed off (probly not).

Things are going well on Stars overall. I’m actually up a lot more than PTR shows, mostly because I’ve won money playing PLH/PLO mix and some HUSNG’s/tourneys where I’ve won as well. If it weren’t for running like total shit when trying to take shots or playing against a guy shipping every hand I’d have like $200 more in my account. Still, overall I’ve run hotter than the sun in the ~12k hands I’ve played there since October, so I can’t complain. Thanks Stars!

That’s about it for poker news from me. Here’s hoping that I continue to run like god or somehow manage to learn to not suck so much at poker in all it’s variants. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!

ps… I’m “el vivo rock” on Stars if you’re curious.

obligatory quarterly blog update imo

Posted by on August 25, 2010 2 comments

Hello poker blog, it’s been a while!

I really hardly play poker lately which is good and bad. The first 6 months of the year I finished playing for my staker after starting the year with around $600 in makeup. I ended the stake up something like $500-$600 after rakeback… but my winrate was barely positive over ~70k hands. I ran hot at 20nl on Cake from May-June, won like $700, and then parted ways with my backer.

Now I’ve got about $250 on FT and $150 on Cake and I play almost never. I’m pretty sure I’m down a little since ending the stake, but I don’t really know/care. I’ve been playing anywhere from 2nl to 20nl with some plo scattered in. I really prefer Cake over FT because the games are a lot easier for me on Cake than FT. I’m able to run people over on Cake with ease, while on FT there are a lot more monkeyish fish/regs that love to hero call you down. That sucks for me cuz I’m a monkey too obv.

I’ve got a subscription to Leggo Poker that I never use, and a PTR subscription that I hardly use… but they’re both so cheap that I really don’t care. They’re worth it to me for entertainment value alone. For some bizarre reason I’ve been playing almost only 5nl deep even though I could easily afford play higher with zero ROR… oh well, once a br nit – always a br nit. I was playing 50nl when my roll was >$3k, what do you expect?

Hopefully I run good the next couple weeks and I’ll move up to 10nl deep. If not, w/e… I’m sure I’ll have fun.

I’m getting bored now so that’s gonna be it. Peace!

Foiled Again!

Posted by on December 12, 2009 No comments

Soooo, my heater definitely came to an end over the last week and I’m back to around even for my stake.  Maybe up a bit after rakeback, but w/e.  I’ve already shipped out monies to myself and backer, so mostly it’s just brought down the amount of money I have to play with.  I’m still comfortable playing 50nl, but if I keep losing at the rate I have been I’ll soon be stuck either asking my backer for a reload, or moving down.  I don’t want to do either….

I wont bore you all with the standard “waaahh downswong” details.  Let’s just say I feel that I’ve played well for the most part, and think I’ve run like shit.  There’s been a few buy-ins tilted away for sure, but the same could be said for almost any 5k hand stretch.

Lately 4max games just don’t seem to ever run.  There’s usually a couple full 50nl 4max games going — but I can’t play turbo tables, and I reaally hate 100bb max tables and those are sometimes all that are going.  Of course I can sit down on empty non-turbo 50nl deep tables and wait for people to play me, but almost none of the regs will start games with me and if I’m going to sit and wait for a random fish I’d rather do it on a HU table so I get them to myself.

Because of the lack of good 4max games lately I’ve been dicking around at 6max and HU… 6max is just a no-go at this level.  The BBJ rake is INSANE, and most tables are 100bb-max, plus the level is infested with multi-tabling regs (some terrible, some decent, most nitty).  HU seems the most obvious option for now… I’m unknown to regs in those games so they will actually play me (for a little while anyway), and there are always lots of games running which makes it more inviting to fish compared to 200nl+ where there are 20 tables of regs waiting for fish and maybe 3 games actually running.

My HU game isn’t too rusty since I play about 1/3 HU on 4max tables anyway waiting for tables to fill.  I’m definitely playing a little tighter than I used to, but not too much.  I’m probably going to make a video sometime in the near future of some HU NL so I can get hammered about how shitty I play.

Oh Hai Thare!

Posted by on November 9, 2009 No comments

Has it really been 3 months since I wrote a blog entry?  Craziness imo… So let’s just give an update about what’s been going on in poker and life in general.

First poker since that’s what pokertrikz is here for.  As you guys might remember I got a backer in late June to play 50nl 4max, moving on to 100nl if things went well.  You may also remember that things went pretty poorly and I lost nearly twenty 50nl BI within the first couple weeks and in like 5k hands (about 1/3 coming at 25nl).  So I moved down to 25nl 4max and bounced around between that, HU, and 6max at that limit for the next couple months.  Finally, after getting my shit together a little bit I went on a heater.  Like a week ago I finally broke even for the stake, and as of now I’m up 5-6 50nl buy-ins (obv counting RB and bonuses… still down in actual poker sadly).

So this week I’ll be sending my first actual profit to my backer (well 50% anyway), and it’s about damn time.  Hilariously, I’ve only played about 30k hands for the stake since starting on June 21.  Also hilarious – when I tried to ship some monies this morning to my backer I got a “user unable to receive transfers at this time” message.  Hopefully I hear from the guy within a day or two so the monies still exist when I figure out where to send them.  :)

So I’m playing 50nl 4max again exclusively.  Lately I’ve been crushing, but obv I’m running pretty good.  My all-in EV line doesn’t really show that, but I’ve had a couple nice coolers for 400bb pots which is always nice (losing a few of those is what really got me stuck early in the stake imo, so it goes both ways).  I’m not going to post any HH’s right now because I’m lazy.

Actually that’s all I’m going to type for now… This wasn’t supposed to be a “lolz I’m winnar at poker – time to blog!” post, but it’s getting long, and I don’t feel like writing any more.  So, that’s what you’ll get and you will fucking like it.

-b

Whoa!

Posted by on August 9, 2009 2 comments

Well exactly a week ago I went to the Warped Tour in Minneapolis (actually Shakopee but w/e), and since then I’ve been totally fucked.  Not only did I get a minor concussion during the show (swinging my head forward when some kid fell backwards knocking my mouth against the back of his head really really hard), but starting that day I came down with the worst cold I’ve had in years (wtf it’s August??).

The concussion was minor, but I had terrible headaches/pains for the next five days until it finally started to go away.  It’s my second concussion (first was from a car accident), and I’m pretty glad that it get better so fast.  My last one had me in agony for two full weeks before it even started to get better.  If you’ve had a concussion you’ll know what I’m talking about… it fucking sucked.

Then there was the cold… wtf @ getting super sick when I’m 1) in great shape, 2) it’s fucking summer, and 3) I’ve been taking fairly good care of my body and eating well.  I came down with the cold the night I got back from Warped Tour, and today is the first time I haven’t felt like death all day long (7 days later).  I’m still kinda sick, my nose is running and I’ve got a gross cough — but I feel a lot better and that’s all that really matters imo.  Plus I’ve actually got some energy, which is nice.

Anyway…. Warped Tour was really good.  I missed all but the last song of Streetlight Manifesto, which was a huge disappointment as they’re one of my favorite bands these days and it would only be my 2nd time seeing them play.  Oh well…. I made the drive with my friend/roommate and we met up with some friends that were also going once we got there.  It was awesome since I hadn’t seen any of those guys in years and they’re all still the same super cool guys they were back in high school.

The music was great as far as I’m concerned… After catching one song of Streetlight it was basically back-to-back-to-back-etc bands I wanted to catch.  Start off with Anti-Flag, then a short break to get some beers, take some drugs, and find my friends… then Bouncing Souls… then some kinda lame emo(ish) band that I hadn’t ever heard of, but I had a great time thrashing around in the pit anyway… then Bad Religion… then Less Than Jake… then time to go home after a nice ~5 hours of pure abuse.

The only sad thing was that I had to miss Big D and the Kids Table in order to watch Bad Religion… maybe that was a dumb choice as I’ve never seen Big D, and I’ve seen Bad Religion more times than I can remember (probably 10ish).  Oh well.  Best set was definitely Less Than Jake.  I’d seen them at least 3 times before, but for some reason this show blew my mind.  It was like NOFX in different bodies, playing different songs, and obviously being a ska band.  The crowd interaction was phenomenal, and they sounded great (as usual).

By the time I made it home I realized how horrible I felt.  The rest of the week I was totally out of it from the concussion and the massive amounts of drugs I was taking to keep my head from throbbing with pain.  Just a blur… I couldn’t work, I couldn’t play poker, and I basically sat around watching movies and playing video games.

This weekend was the Bayfront Blues Festival here in Duluth, but I had to miss it.  Not only had I mysteriously spent way the fuck too much money in the last two weeks and wouldn’t have been able to afford to go more than one day – but I felt like total shit and probably would’ve ended up leaving had I gone.  My buddy Matt that I hadn’t seen in years drove up over the weekend with his girlfriend and it was awesome to see him.  I was out of drugs by that point so it was definitely nice to have people around to chill, drink, and talk with when all my Duluth friends were at the Blues Fest.

I finally played some poker last night and ran like total shit while 1-tabling a 7-2 25nl 6max table on UB.  One of the fishiest tables I’ve seen in a long time, but I just never had anything I could value bet, all my hero calls were wrong, and both times I got it in I was a slight dog and bricked all my draws.  Ended up losing like 5 buy-ins and wasn’t too happy about it.  I haven’t played today as a result, and instead recorded some musics.

If anyone knows a place I can upload the mp3’s for streaming it would be cool… otherwise I’ll put the songs in a single folder and put it on megaupload.  It’s surprisingly listenable though I never bothered to do more than one take with a single microphone…. but w/e if you guys want to hear me rocking some NOFX on the acoustic you’re in for a treat.

Whew, that was long… take care kids!

Scamers are bad!

Posted by on July 31, 2009 2 comments

I’ve been scammed before ($1k if I remember right).  It sucked hard, but it was mostly my own fault for not taking a close enough look at a guy’s post history before trusting him.  It was actually a guy that had already started a thread complaining about him getting scammed by stacktrader.com…. I figured a guy that had been scammed himself wouldn’t do it to another person, but I was stupid to assume that.

Not long ago I heard about the old AP reg SPEEEDLIMITS scamming a truly good guy on 2p2 for $3k.  Here’s the link… hopefully this will help get the thread up to the top of the results when his name is googled.

fuck you speedlimits